The Manly Art of Shaving

It’s a part of every males race day preparation. Once you get into racing and triathlons, the inevitable question arises at some point…

Do I have to shave?

The answer of course is NO you don’t have to. I am not convinced it makes THAT much of a difference, at least not to me because I am not a naturally hairy guy.

But I do believe it just looks better, and it makes you FEEL faster if not actually making you faster.

I started my first few races without shaving but, after a few experiences with chaffing and unwanted pulling of small hairs during biking and running that did NOT feel very good I decided I would try it to see if it made a difference.

I do not know how you women do it. Seriously. I ran my razor over the same damn spot at least ten times and still had hair there, and like I said, I am NOT hairy. It’s not like I had some Sasquatch pelt covering my legs. It was one freaking hair in particular that just decided it was not going to be removed from his home and was holding on for dear life. I finally gave up and left it there.

To teach me a lesson it snagged on my bike shorts the next ride.

The next decision is how much to shave. Is it only from the knee down (I KNOW you women do that). No … because the bike shorts are on mid-thigh. So you do the whole leg. But now what about the …. other areas …. that are prone to pulling, snagging, and chaffing? Do you just go full bore and shave everything from the waist down?? And if you do that … how … THE HELL … do you see to do it??

These probably seem like unbelievably stupid questions to the women reading this, but I am serious. I need some pointers here. I am a stupid male and you obviously need a set of ovaries to know how to properly shave the lower body in a way that removes all the hair without spilling enough blood to make your bathroom shower look like a Jackson Pollack painting.

And … my God … the itching … please make the itching STOP!

I thought it was bad the first time I grew a beard and then had to shave it. This felt like something Jigsaw would dream up.

So why shave at all, even with the reasons I gave?

Because it makes you feel like a Pro.

You’re not one. Never will be one. But I can look like one. And feel like one. After my first time shaving I thought “oh my God what are people going to think when they see this?”. No one said a word. Why? Because in this world it is normal. I will admit also that it felt really cool to be able to see the muscles I had developed over the previous months of training. I am not a naturally vain person, but it actually made me think I looked good.

I need all the help I can get.

I have not shaved in quite some time and all my previous work is gone. As I said, I am not a hairy person, but due to meds that I am on I am more hairy now than I was previously, but still not to the point that I thought not shaving would be noticed. So one day in the near future I will be taking razor to skin. Hopefully I will not nick a major artery and bleed out in my shower … laid out in a pool of leg blood … a razor in one hand … a can of Barbesol in the other … one tear slowly running down my cheek … mouth frozen in a grimace of both pain and pleasure …

God I hope I finish everything before they find me …